Here it is updated:
NOT EVERYTHING WE THINK WE KNOW ABOUT SOMEONE IS TRUE! Too often, we hear some little something and conflate an entire scenario around it and call it truth.
HERE IS THE TRUTH:
Our conjured up thoughts about others do not mean anything,because we do not have all the facts nor can we ever know all the intentions of another person, nor all the nuances of their situation. Too often we take a tiny little snippet we've overheard and fill in with assumptions, replacing reality with our thoughts and calling our thoughts reality. Yet we are seeing and believing only in our thoughts, not reality. We project our own issues and thoughts and feelings onto others, and this is the material we use to fill in with our assumptions. We think, "Because of some previous experience I've had or information I think I know, perhaps, then X, Y, and Z must be true for what is happening with this other person."
From this point, we so generously share our unkind thoughts about others because we are trying to justify our thoughts and make them true. We fear being wrong, or we want to diminish another in some way. Often, our egos want to puff ourselves up and put others down.
What if we lived like the 3 Monkeys advise us to live? What if we began to look at all others through the eyes which see the good in the midst of the bad? What if we refused to listen to rumors and gossip, much less invent them, and never pass these unkindnesses along? What if we refused to speak negative and unkind words that would diminish others?
Not too many months ago, I lost a dear, sweet friend very suddenly and unexpectedly, my sweet Jean. What I remember about her most is how loving she was, to the extent that I never once, in four years, heard her say anything negative about another person, never an unkindness done or spoken to anyone. It is that which stands out in my mind, that which I wish to develop more in myself. She left very large shoes for me to fill.
At my Rabbinical Intensive just prior to ordination, the Rabbis gave us rabbinical candidates several instructions and charges, one of which was to never diminish another person. Rabbi Jill gave us several examples of this, one of which is that if we hear gossip about someone, and that person comes to us and asks if we have heard this rumor about them, it is not a lie to say no.
Why is this not a lie? Because our job is to never diminish another, never further discord and disharmony, never further unkindness. It is far more important to stop the cycle of gossip and rumors and unkindness. Lashon harah, the evil tongue, is the worst sin. It can do so much damage, and we justify what we say and think about others because our ego projects our own fears and diminishments about ourselves onto others.
This charge, to never diminish another, has shifted me radically. I'll admit, I have a lot more to learn about living this, a lot more practice of it, for sure. But even a little bit of this goes a very long ways in elevating the world, and beginning to think G!dly thoughts.
What are G!dly thoughts?
DON'T SEE EVERYONE'S FLAWS
DON'T LISTEN TO EVERYTHING WE'RE TOLD
DON'T SPEAK IF IT'S NOT KIND
ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN PEOPLE
NOT EVERYTHING IS TRUTH
ONLY SPEAK WORDS OF KINDNESS!
Not easy, but this is how we try to live each day:
If what you are going to say about someone or even to someone is not something you would say to them directly and could be considered unkind--NO MATTER HOW "FACTUAL" YOU MAY THINK IT IS, as the saying goes, SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!
Keep it to yourself, and then work on changing your thoughts which are only projections of your own fear-based ego!
Shalom uv'racha, Peace and blessings!
No comments:
Post a Comment