Complain much?

Our Torah portion this week is called Beshalach. It continues our story in Exodus. We take up where Bo ended, with the Hebrews on the other side of the Sea of Reeds, but looking back and seeing Pharaoh and his armies in hot pursuit.... let's read:

Exodus 14:

11 They said to Moses, Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us to die in the desert? What is this that you have done to us to take us out of Egypt?

12 Isn't this the thing [about] which we spoke to you in Egypt, saying, Leave us alone, and we will serve the Egyptians, because we would rather serve the Egyptians than die in the desert



Perspective makes all the difference in the world. Complaining is a reflection of our perspective, and our perspective is something which we can control and shift. The way we look at and define things makes all the difference.

Complaining is, among other things, a sign of being ungrateful, and those who habitually complain usually fall short on taking actions to shift the situation. Do you see complaining and sarcasm as funny, or as perfectly innocent ways to vent frustration? Are they bad habits which keep us stuck, or do they motivate us to find something about which to be grateful, and find a solution? Complaining and kvetching also keeps us from having to take responsibility and doing something to change the situation. They are the easy response.

They are also, too often, a bad habit. When we complain, where is our focus? Who does our complaining benefit? Are our complaints because we are looking for someone to blame without having to do what we can to change the situation? Are we looking for others to commiserate?

These are all questions we must ask ourselves.

Today, let's take it one step further, because endemic complaining is a symptom of a deeper issue. What is it that is underneath all of our moaning and groaning and kvetching? What was underneath the Hebrews' kvetching in our portion?

Think about it. These are a people who had been enslaved and toiled under hard slave labor for decades. No one in that crowd knew what life was like other than being a slave. Freedom sounded good in theory, but, what would it be like when they found themselves pressed between a rock and a hard place, with Pharaoh and his minions in hot pursuit?

When the Israelites say that they would rather be slaves in a world they knew from birth than die in this wilderness with Pharaoh in hot pursuit, were they rebelling, or were they plain ol' afraid?

In these two verses, these people who had barely been newly freed from a life of slavery, were afraid of the unknown. They were speaking from their fear, not from their trust in a solid leader or their faith in G!d. They were afraid of their inabilities and insecurities. At least in Egypt they knew their place and what was expected. Here in the wilderness, they faced nothing but the unknown. There were no guarantees, death seemed immanent, and they were afraid. At least in Egypt, although slaves, they could expect to live without being chased by Pharaoh's armies to their death. They knew their food sources. They knew a hard life, but it was predictable. Comfort zone.

And so, when they opened their mouths, what came out were their fears, in the form of complaints.

When we complain, when we kvetch and moan and bewail (and yes, sometimes it is important to have a safe ear to whom to vent, emphasis on one ear, not many), we need to remember that our kvetching is our fear talking. Sometimes it is our way of avoiding taking responsibility and doing something different. Sometimes it is our way of blaming others. Clearly, the Hebrews are doing their best to blame Moses.

What can we learn from this? When we complain, it is a signal to pause and ask ourselves:

1. For whom/what am I grateful?
2. What benefit does complaining bring to the situation?
3. What can I do to change the situation?
4. Am I willing to invest time and effort into being the change that needs to happen, or would I rather stand on the sidelines and point fingers?
5. If I have the time to complain, would that time be better used to take proactive steps, enlisting help from others if need be?
6. Finally, we must also stop and ask ourselves one more important question: Of what am I afraid? Am I afraid of trying to change the situation and being unsuccessful or looking foolish? Am I afraid of leaving my comfort zone?

At the end of the day, will we be ruled by fear, or will we stand up to the fear and take that next step to do what needs to be done? Will we waste time complaining and moaning, or will we look for gratitudes and ways to actively improve the situation?

I'll admit; time is our most precious commodity these days, and we can only stretch ourselves so thin. If we can't step up to leadership positions, we can volunteer to help out a few minutes here or there, or ask how we can support those in leadership. There is ALWAYS something we can each personally do.

Furthermore, ALL of us can speak more kindly and without diminishing others. Complaining nearly always has an element of unkindness and diminishing another person. That is a choice we can leave behind. Unkindness and diminishing others is a form of slavery, and we are on the road to freedom now. We can make our every action count towards bringing more blessings and light into the world, rather than the darkness of cursing and griping and screeching at others.

When we find ourselves pointing fingers at others, that is the very time to stop and ask what we can do differently. Not what THEY "should" be doing differently, but, "What can I personally do to help shift this situation?"

And what of those times when we are at the brunt of the unkindness and diminishing talk, the screeching and cursing and griping? Sometimes, we do need to remove ourselves from those situations. Sometimes, we can change the subject. Sometimes, we learn who to avoid because they are a constant source of complaining or screeching and diminishing. If there is no other way to improve that particular situation, then we find other ways to be a light shining in the darkness, and to minimize the impact of those who are chronic complainers. We resist falling into the kvetching and sarcastic remarks, letting our silence speak louder than their words.

Perhaps there are other things we can do. I would love to hear your thoughts....

This is not an easy lesson, but I do believe it is an important one, especially now. Let's take a note from the Israelites in Beshelach.