I'll have eggs with a side of ego, please...

It is a magical morning moment, 5am, and the house is still swathed in darkness and sleep. The coffee is perking, so I have time to turn to one of the hundreds of books on my "To Be Read" list while I think of breakfast, hot coffee, and having this time all to myself.

I begin this morning with a new book, The Instruction Manual for Receiving G!d by Jason Shulman. This one is not exactly on my research list; rather, this one is for pleasure reading. (Yes, my pleasure reading is still nonfiction, and usually of a spiritual or psychological nature. What can I say? I'm a true G!d nerd.)

This book comes from a more Eastern, Buddhist perspective of Judaism. Several well-known Jews, many even rabbis, have studied, lived, and written from this point of view. They have done much to integrate more mindfulness and meditation back into Judaism as a way of life, which is a positive outcome of their life experience.

Those views have informed me from time to time, but often, I have struggled with the most basic concept of Eastern spirituality, which seems to usually be presented that ego and the notion of separateness as a negative thing, and something we should strive to overcome. Yet, how can this be? The ego is a vital part of our being human, and so intrinsic to our perspectives and experience of life, that it is impossible to overcome ego, to separate our ego from our experience of life. Only our ego can even understand this concept of ego, so being rid of it means self-annihilation, and an end to our ability to think, understand, and grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And that is certainly not our life goal! It is impossible. We were created with an ego for a reason, and that reason is not to be rid of it nor to overcome it.

Part of the problem is that we use one word, ego, to mean several very different things. According to Dictionary.com, the word “ego” can be used to mean:

1. the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.
2. egotism; conceit; self-importance.
3. the enduring and conscious element that knows experience.
4. the complete person comprising both body and soul.

As I wrote in a post eighteen months ago, "In modern psychotherapy and counseling, it is considered essential that a person have a healthy sense of self/self-esteem and boundaries, in order to be fully functioning in relationships with others. This is called “ego strength.” In this way, psychology identifies ego not as an unhealthy illusion of which we must be rid, but our identity, our unique, personal interpretation and expression of our consciousness. While its development might have been damaged in some way, it is the damage that creates problems for us, not the ego itself."

I think the main problem in spiritual systems of thought which tell us to be rid of our ego is that they are confusing 3 of the 4 definitions of ego (see above), and are focusing instead on that second one, "egotism; conceit; self-importance." Perhaps if they used one of these three more precise words instead of ego, it would help everyone in our understanding of the concept of ego.

Rather than being rid of the ego, the goal of deepening our spiritual base is to develop a healthy ego with good boundaries while becoming our fullest potential as a human being. While this definitely means we work on being less arrogant and self-centered, more thoughtful and considerate of others, this must not be equated to getting rid of all thoughts of ourselves nor all thoughts of being separate. I heard it phrased rather simply once: "The goal is not to think less of myself, it is to think of myself less often."

So when I saw the definite leaning of this book towards an Eastern system of thought which often pits ego against a deepening spirituality, I wasn't sureI would resonate with this book. While there are certainly already a few statements here and there with which I disagree, the introduction has eased my mind about this particular point. The author posits that Buddha's statement regarding the ego as being the origin of suffering "is often misunderstood to mean that the ego needs to be eliminated, transcended, or in some way... discarded. Nothing could be further from the truth. ...Buddha... did not mean ...that the disappearance of the ego would cure [our] troubles!" Shulman goes on to elaborate that there is much to this shared part of being human that causes suffering, (natural disasters, poverty, disease, loss, etc.) and that we also create additional suffering for ourselves. He counterbalances this with the statement that the human ego, in and of itself, is not negative. The additional suffering that we self-create is born out of the "unhealthy" ego, as Shulman puts it– those times when we are being self-centered, thoughtless, and inconsiderate. Part 2 of our definition of ego.

The purpose of this book, as Shulman writes in his introduction, is to awaken us to see that perspective and level of integration allow us to be both separate and one with the universe/G!d at the same time, that they are not mutually exclusive. His book seeks to put life into perspective, despite the hardships inherent in whatever situations we find ourselves. "In other words," writes Shulman, "this is a book about life, now, us, and other people. It is... a set of instructions for living ...to return to the wholeness that we already are."

Pithy stuff for 5am! I look forward to sharing more from this book in the coming days. For now, it is time for hot coffee and eggs, hold the bacon, with a side of ego...