Stolen Ornaments

After the incident with the golden calf, the Israelites were understandably upset, as the story has it, and, according to that story, so was G!d upset with the people. G!d was so upset, that instead of accompanying the people on their wilderness journey that lie ahead, an angel was assigned to that task. (This decision was later rescinded.)

When the people learned that G!d was refusing to accompany them and instead sending an angel to do the task, we learn in verse 4 that, "When the people heard this sad word, they mourned, and none of them put on his ornaments." G!d was so upset that the next two verses tell us, "Adonai said to Moshe, “Tell the people of Isra’el, ‘You are a stiffnecked people! If I were to go up with you for even one moment, I would exterminate you! Now, keep your ornaments off; then I will decide what to do to you.’ So the Israelites left off all their ornaments, from Mount Horeb (Sinai) onward."

What is with all these ornaments?

Ornaments is the term used for jewelry and other flashy bling and ornamentation. Earlier, the story told us that before leaving Egypt, they "borrowed" all the jewelry they could from their Egyptian neighbors, knowing all along that the plan was to escape to freedom and they would not be returning the borrowed jewelry. Sounds a bit like thievery to me!

We must ask, was the golden calf mess one consequence of deceitfully "borrowing" (aka stealing) the jewelry and ornamentations from the Egyptians in the first place? After all, if they had not been dishonest and brought "borrowed" gold jewelry with them into the desert when they knew full well they were not planning on being around to return it, would they have even had the gold jewelry for smelting into the golden calf? And if not a golden calf, might it instead have been an image carved of stone?

In any case, we must pause and ask ourselves, What are our ornaments that we rely on to be who we are? Certainly not just jewelry, but also expensive fashion by top-name designers, possessions, money, even a certain hairstyle (or color) and clothing style, wrinkle creams and cosmetic surgery... What are all the things money can buy which we might use for our ornamentation in order to bolster our confidence and sense of self-esteem?

Let's not forget the things money can't buy, such as our friends and family, our skills and talents, opportunities for education and privilege... While money is somewhat involved in these things, it isn't the only factor.

Finally, what about our potential? Is that an ornament? Can it be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen? Our potential can be developed, and certainly enhanced by opportunities and education which often do require money, but we can also develop our potential when we work on living from our core values. Bottom line, potential is not something that can be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, but only developed.

So when we look again at the golden calf and the situation of being fear-driven and panicked, we wonder if part of that fear and panic came from feeling a little guilty that they had knowingly stolen a lot of jewelry from their neighbors before fleeing Egypt. Why on earth would they think they needed so much jewelry, gold, and ornamentation when they were fleeing away from society and into the desert where money wouldn't be needed? Were the people relying on outward things to give them a sense of who they were and who they could be? Were they looking at external signs of value and potential and even outside of themselves for leadership and courage?

The story alludes to their fears preventing them from seeing their own potential, their own inherent value and worth, their own abilities as a free people. They stopped believing in the possible, and just as they had borrowed jewelry, they had also borrowed their courage and vision from their leader. And when he went missing, so did their vision. They were left with only what they perceived as obstacles in their way––an absent leader and an absent G!d. They saw the glitz and glimmer of their stolen gold, and thought perhaps it could restore a false sense of confidence and courage, bring back a bit of Egyptian comfort, restore their vision, and replace their leader on whom they had relied for their sense of potential and peoplehood.

I would love to think that I am smarter than "those people," and that I would've not fallen for the golden calf. However, when I take an honest look at my life, I, too, have often fallen into a similar track of failure many times in my life. Oh, the details are different, and it doesn't look at all like a golden calf I am using to restore my confidence and quell my fears, but the feeling of not being enough has chased me my entire life. And when I do not feel like I am enough, sometimes I look for external "ornaments" to bolster me.

Sometimes those external ornaments are things I can buy. TV commercials, ads, and billboards constantly assault us all with messages telling us to buy this product, become a member of this fitness center, drive this car, wear these designer clothes, use this wrinkle cream to restore our youth... because, if we purchase, wear, drive, vacation, achieve academic success, look young, etc., THEN we will be "enough."

As a result, we are left feeling unworthy, inadequate and longing for fulfillment. We often feel we will never measure up, and the desperate emptiness doesn't go away even when we achieve some degree of success.

Mind you, I am not saying that all external ornamentations are negative things. For example, sometimes, a little purple hair color goes a long way in encouraging one to embrace one's potential and express a deeper authenticity. Rather, it is the complete reliance on many external ornaments which begets the need to keep relying on external ornaments. It is a cycle that feeds itself.

This is a big part of what the Israelites were feeling, the fear that was driving them to gather and smelt the gold into a golden calf. Maybe they, too, had seen the billboards in the wilderness telling them they were not enough, that Moses and G!d had abandoned them and they couldn't possibly continue on their own?

Over time, many of us have internalized an inner voice that constantly criticizes us with its self-defeating messages about how we just don't measure up. Society, the commercial world, parents, teachers, even religious belief systems seem to contribute to these disheartening messages of inadequacy.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more out of life. It is only when we get lopsided in our quest and we seek the external things beyond developing our inner core values, or when we rely too much on the externals to define who we are.

So we must ask ourselves: What is my motivation for wanting more out of life? Is it because I believe that this is something positive for me and the world? Or is my motivation based on a deep sense of inadequacy that this will "fix"?

Each of us, from time to time, will doubt and feel inadequate. The difference is in how much the feelings of failure and inadequacy drives our forward movement or holds us back; the difference is in how many externals we rely on to bolster us, to try and keep up with the competition all around us.

I love the Chassidic master Rabbi Zusya of Anipoli. We know little about him other than a few stories and quotes. R'Zusya told us, "If it were offered to me to exchange places with Abraham our father, I would refuse. What would G!d gain from this? There would still be one Zusya and one Abraham."

On his deathbed, R'Zusya is reported to have said, “When I am come before the throne of G!d, I'm really not worried. Suppose G!d asks me, ‘Why were you not like Moses, or like any of the great Saints?’ I’ll simply tell G!d, ‘I’m just not a Moses. I’m not a saint.’ What does concern me is, what if G!d asks me, ‘Why were you not Zusya? Why were you not yourself?  Did I not give you a part of my own soul? My soul is in each one of you, and I wanted you to give it purpose and meaning in your life. You need not have imitated others. Be yourself.’”

The self-defeating and paralyzing message of "not enoughness" is what derailed the Israelites at the foot of Mt. Sinai. Through a devastating and serious fall from grace, they learned that it was not their ornamentations––the various externals they were relying on to make them who they were. The only thing that makes any of us who we are is our core essence and values. Had they remembered exactly who they were at their core essence, they would not have needed a golden calf.

"Not enoughness" compares ourselves to others, and demands that we follow the rigid standards and definitions of success set by others, including greedy corporations looking to sell as much product as possible to enhance their bottom line. Not enoughness screams at us to be a certain weight, wear a certain size, be at a particular level of fitness, or look a certain way.

I have often been told that I do not look Jewish or that I am somehow not "Jewish enough." What does that even mean? I have learned to reply, "If you doubt my Jewishness, come home and take a look at my bookshelves."

Beyond that, though, is why should I concern myself with someone else's opinion of me? It is one thing to listen to constructive criticism we might need to hear so we can grow; it is quite a different thing to let cruel comparisons, judgements, and unthoughtful unkind statements convince us of our not enoughness.

The Israelites were fearful and panicked because they felt they were not enough, and in so doing, brought disgrace upon themselves by gathering jewelry they had deceitfully stolen and used to make a god. They were, in essence, making a god out of deceit and appearances.

Confronted with their bad decisions and fear driven behavior, they finally decided that they would wear no more ornaments during the rest of their wilderness journey. When they let go of the extreme reliance on external ornaments to define who they were, they were reminded that who they were at their core essence was enough.

The lesson for us is to appreciate who we are and all that we do have, rather than mindlessly being seduced by society's push to collect more more more of that which can never substitute our sense of being enough just as we are.