Doing or Listening, that is the question...

I can't leave our discussion of this week's parshah, Mishpatim, without addressing one of the most lauded, and laudable, moments in Jewish history:

Just before the giving of the Torah at Mount Sinai, the story tells us that G!d asks the Jewish people, "Do you want My Torah?", and that without a moment of hesitation, we gave the response: "Na'asei V'Nishma", "we will do and we will hear."

Over the centuries, there has been much discussion by the sages, most of whom like to emphasize that the Israelites agreed to do everything, e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g., before even having heard what it was to which they were agreeing, and how great a deed this was!

This is not what I get out of this story.

In the first place, when can we ever fully know everything that is going to transpire when we commit to something? Marriage is a good example. We want the marriage to work out. We want the love to last forever. We want to live happily ever after. Sadly, it rarely works out that way. Is it wrong to want that and hope for that and to commit to that, only to find it unravelling months or years later?

Of course not. What it means, though, is that at the moment of those wedding vows, we are committing ourselves to bring all of us to the table, and to do what it takes to make this relationship work. Sometimes that doesn't work out. But in that moment, we are assenting to "we will do and we will hear" when it comes to this relationship.

(For what it's worth, I think where it gets messed up the most when it comes to marriage is the "we will hear" part of that equation. We stop listening, stop really hearing our partner. We get distracted and life's challenges are so draining, that we no longer take the time to invest in listening. We're three paragraphs ahead in our heads scheming our response while our partner is still on the first sentence trying to express what's going on.)

The Jews were entering into a relationship with G!d. This puts it on far different ground than most religions of that time. Relationships are two-way streets, and at Sinai, we were acknowledging that it takes two to Tango, and yes, we are willing to step up, to do and to hear, and to bring our entire selves into this relationship, this new way of being in a relationship with G!d.

Secondly, the Sages emphasize that the Israelites were saying they would DO, and then later, they would hear. I don't read it like that at all, because the Hebrew does not state, "we will do, THEN we will hear." No, it says, "we will do AND we will hear."

In math, we know that 2 + 3 = 5. And 3 + 2 = 5. The order of the two and three aren't important; when we combine 2 of something and three of something, no matter which comes first, we end up with 5 somethings. Whichever comes first, the important part of the equation is that we MUST have 2 somethings and 3 somethings in order to get 5 somethings.

In the same way, "we will do AND we will hear" means that it takes BOTH to make this new relationship with G!d work. Sometimes, we hear first, and then we go do. Other times, we do first, and then we listen. Same in any relationship.

My third point with this scenario at Sinai is that we are, in this moment, committed to keep "upping the ante" so to speak. We don't "get it" in one enlightening moment and then just go do from that point. We do a little, we listen and study and learn a little, we do a little more, and on it goes. We are not static people. We weren't created to be as we were without growing and learning, even as a child grows, then learns and understands in completely different ways as they age and experience life.

The same is true in our G!d-relationships and our people relationships. Where we begin is not where we are years later. It is true that aging does bring wisdom, not merely because the calendar keeps turning, but because WE experience more and learn from our mistakes.

So it is with "Naasei V'Nishma". The more we learn and experience life and G!d, the more it informs us, the wiser we grow. Well, hopefully, anyway. We do know some people who seems to stop growing spiritually and refuse to learn from their mistakes, but instead keep repeating them without learning from them at all.

There is a popular saying of recent years, “If the you of five years ago doesn’t consider the you of today a heretic, you are not growing spiritually.” While attributed to Thomas Merton, he did not pen this quote. It is definitely a quote by the famous Anonymous. And it's also true. If the you of five years ago doesn’t consider the you of today a heretic in some way, if you haven't expanded your mind and learning or been able to shift at all in your perspectives and opinions, then you are not growing spiritually. This is the essence, I think, of "Na'asei V'Nishma".

"Na'asei V'Nishma" means that I bring all of me to this moment and commit myself to being all in. It means that I will do and I will learn and study and work on expanding my understanding and ability to really hear. It means I am not perfect, not at any point in time, but I don't stop trying to keep listening and doing, and doing and listening, and growing along the way.

Just like in our hobbies and crafts, we start as beginners, and we keep doing, and we learn and listen to those ahead of us a bit in experience, and we let that inform us, and over time, our abilities and skills increase.

I had to write about Na'asei V'Nishma, because I said those words at my rabbinical ordination. It was THE most moving, pivotal moment for me, and I did not get through it without deep tears. At the very beginning of the ordination, my rabbinical cohort was asked, "Are you ready?" Our replies, after lighting a candle and taking a moment to pray privately under our prayer shawls, reflecting on the words, were: "My answer to G!d is the same as I gave at Mt. Sinai: 'Na'asei v'nishma.' I shall do and I shall listen."

I can't say that I always get it right. Sometimes I do before listening. Sometimes I listen too much and don't do enough. I am human.

The crucial part is that, like in any relationship, I committed to being all in and to giving this my all. And the great thing about being a rabbi is that I know G!d will never leave this relationship, will never not keep up with my growth, and will always be all in. This is a "marriage" that will last. The only quitter in the equation would be me, and I don't quit. I make mistakes, I fall, I get discouraged, and even lonely in my rabbinical work, but I will never quit.

I know this, because in 62 years, I have never quit my spiritual questing, trying every way I could to keep doing and listening and listening and doing, and growing through all of it. There is no destination, no point at which I get to stop trying. It is all journey, all quest, and it comes by doing AND listening, lather, rinse, repeat.

Na'asei v'nishma. We will do AND we will hear. It's how we continue to grow as humans.

Questions we can ask ourselves this weekend as we take a moment to reflect might be: Am I both doing AND listening? Do I take the time to really hear the important other people in my life? Or am I too busy doing and talking and getting ahead of them, while feeling like I am falling further behind?

Sometimes, commitment requires we slow our pace a bit and stop doing long enough to listen.

Shabbat shalom uv'racha!