We remember...

As you know, Pesach is when we celebrate our freedom from being enslaved. For the vast majority of people, it is hard to imagine a life being forced into the physical back-breaking labor of house or pyramid building, as it is so far from most people’s reality. And so the seder can be kind of fun and light-hearted as the annual ritual is re-enacted and the story re-told.

What about, though, those who are still enslaved? Abused? A victim of human or sex trafficking? Or what about the adult who, as a child, was actually used as slave labor as a 4 and 5 and 6 and 7 year old, forced to wash and carry and haul and stack and re-stack brick after heavy brick, every weekend and late into the nights, being beaten and verbally and physically abused at the hands of a cruel taskmaster she was forced to call “Dad”?

While most people will turn the story of being slaves into a metaphor or spiritual lesson, what about those for whom it triggers actual, real, memories of having been enslaved and/or abused?

For many, Passover is too real, cuts too close to the bone, and will trigger PTSD rather than a meaningful experience. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is very difficult to live with.

For many who have not been a survivor of such abuse and trauma, it is easy to wave the hand and think, “Ah, so many years ago, they should just get over it and move on!”

Because Passover is a night for asking questions, tonight we ask, what is it that happens in the brain when we experience severe trauma, that causes it to still affect a person decades later? Why can’t they just get over it and move on?

Traumatic experiences remain encoded in a primitive part of our brain, called the amygdala, which automatically goes into “fight, fright, or flight” mode. This can happen when triggered by certain stimuli, even decades later. The amygdala works very differently from the rest of our brain.

This amygdala, which is the lower part of our brainstem, is not at all like our far more complex prefrontal cortex. It does not have the level of sophistication needed to be able to tell the difference between triggers that signal real danger and triggers that are not real and present in the here and now.

The slightest stimuli, something as seemingly insignificant as a single word, a facial expression, a sound, a smell, a particular food, all of these can elicit an automatic response from the amygdala which then floods the body with terror, because those stimuli are neurologically linked to the trauma.

Well meaning people have told abuse survivors that they could change their brain responses by rational thinking. The amygdala, however, is not rational. It does not “think” at all. It reacts, and it does so quickly. It is designed to do this in order to save us from dangerous, life-threatening predators and situations. We would not have survived as a species without this non-rational, reactive amygdala. When you touch a hot stove, what causes you to move your hand without even thinking about it? Your amygdala does that.

Survivors of abuse would love to be able to move forward with their lives, to overcome the trauma and get over it, to always be able to think rationally! Why would anyone want to feel trapped by depression, PTSD, dissociative disorders, eating disorders, drug addictions and anxiety? (All of these are diverse symptoms that often manifest in survivors of abuse.)

As well, there is more evidence coming to light that trauma also survives in the muscle memories we hold in our bodies. These memories do not simply disappear just because one’s circumstances have changed or we try and reframe things rationally and logically.

For those of you who have not experienced profound, severe, and chronic trauma, you might ask, “how can I be of help to those who have experienced this? To those who are survivors?”

1. Respond with more understanding and compassion. In the Jewish text Pirkei Avot, we are wisely encouraged not to judge people unless we have actually been in their situation. At the Passover seder, imagine what it would be like to be forced into slavery as a child, and how 4 years of hard physical labor at a very very young age might have impacted you.

2. Rather than indicating what not to say, let’s review some things that might be helpful to say if we know someone is a survivor and might be showing signs of stress:

“I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“If you ever feel like talking, I am here to listen.”

“I care about you. How can I be of help?”

Even saying,  “I don’t know what to say,” is better than ignoring someone, or telling them to just get over it or to think positive thoughts because all of that is behind them now. Remember, the amygdala does not respond to positive affirmations, which come from our rational mind.

Help them by being there and truly present with them. This is, in fact, the essence of the seder haggadah…  being fully present to what it was like to be enslaved and abused at the hands of a merciless Pharaoh.

Survivors often have panic attacks. When a person is going through a panic attack, the way to help them is remind them to take deep breaths. Don’t say to calm down, don’t brush it off, and don’t ask WHY someone is panicking. Stay calm, and stay with them. Help them ground by naming something they see, something they hear, something they smell, and something they can touch.

As we begin Passover, we recognize is that not all people are free. The struggle for freedom is ongoing, and in every age there are new freedoms to be won.

On this night, our hearts turn to those among us who suffer pain, abuse, violence, even enslavement. We recognize that there are children who are sexually, physically and/or verbally abused; there are adults who cower in fear of their partners; there are elderly who are ignored or imprisoned in their own homes. All are victims of a violence tearing at the very essence of their beings.

This night when we celebrate the miracle of liberation, it is incumbent upon us to grasp the meaning of this enslavement; to hear their cries and to aid their struggle for liberation.

Some of us who gather around the seder tables tonight are survivors; others know survivors – and victims – of domestic violence and other forms of abuse and slavery.

Tonight, as we gather to recall that first Exodus which unfolded in Egypt, let us also remember those bound or having once been bound by the chains of domestic violence, abuse, and other forms of severe trauma.

Tonight, we pray for the wisdom to find an effective path to liberate these innocent children, these victims still bound, these survivors trying valiantly to move on with their lives.

Tonight, we pray for the courage to stand up to the Pharaohs of our generation, to speak the truth of what we know, for the strength and fortitude to keep on helping others find freedom.

Tonight, we pray that these children and adults and adult survivors may soon know the sweetness of freedom from violence and oppression, and perhaps be able to share Passover seders and other celebrations of freedom, safely, with loved ones, next year!

Tonight, we remember that it takes not some miracle by G!d to part the Sea of Reeds; rather, it takes courageous human beings to march into the waters on a pathway to the unknown, to open up the road to freedom.

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. famously said “no one is free until we are all free.” And yet, we know that racial equality… racial profiling… ethnic profiling… immigration issues… treatment of women… children being abused… human trafficking… sex trafficking… human enslavement and torture, sadly, do exist in our world, our country, in our communities, maybe even in the person sitting next to you.

Until we are all free, no one is truly free. Until no child has to go through those kinds of things, we are not truly free.

So when you gather tonight for your seder, remember. Remember those who have suffered harshly. And then think about what you can personally do to help bring the abuse to an end, or to help someone you know who is a survivor.


LET YOUR SEDER MAKE A DIFFERENCE THIS YEAR!

For those interested, here are some links for seder haggadot that speak more to these poignant issues:


Survivors Haggadah
http://theawarenesscenter.blogspot.com/1986/04/survivors-haggadah-survivors-of.html

You can download a free pdf of the seder here:
http://www.bishop-accountability.org/news2009/03_04/SurvivorsHaggadah.pdf


Freedom Haggadah
http://www.miamiherald.com/latest-news/article71711982.ece/BINARY/Text%20of%20Freedom%20Hagaddah.pdf


Rabbis Against Gun Violence Haggadah
https://www.betham.org/sites/default/files/RAGVSederSupplement.pdf


Several free resources available here:
https://rac.org/holiday-guides-passover