It IS about the journey, and very little about the destination. Furthermore, the journey is not on the outside of ourselves; the path is inside, our inner being. What does it matter if we climb some imaginary ladder of external accomplishments if we thereby neglect our inner life? Or worse, if we neglect simple kindness to others because we're too busy relentlessly pursuing our own very self-centered pursuits?
How much time and attention do we give to the externals? The schedules and time tables and goals and hurrying, scurrying here and there, the must-not-be-missed something or other that we define in the moment as making our life more complete? How often do we put our own goals ahead of people who might need a timely and kind word, because we think stopping to take care of someone else will take 15 precious minutes we can't possibly spare out of our ego-centric schedule?
We can wrap it up in psychobabble and call it boundaries and "taking care of myself" or "refilling my well." And these are, indeed, appropriate matters of consideration, within limits. However, when we begin using them as fences to put our self-centered ego first, we harm not only ourselves, but the others around us as well, those whom we might have ignored in their moment of need, the smile or kind word which someone might have needed that very day, yet we were so wrapped in our own ego, we failed to notice.
In the words of Martin Buber, a great 20th century philosopher, when we invert the external and internal work, we turn our interactions and relationships into I–It relationships. This not only refers to relationships with others; it clearly applies to the relationship within oneself–that inner journey–and one's relationship with G!d as well.
Would G!d rather we make that X goal within that Y time frame if it requires us to ignore smaller details, details which might actually be more important at the end of the day?
Poet William Henry Davies asked,
What is this life if, full of care
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty’s glance, >
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
(William Henry Davies, 1871 – 1940)
In other words, "take time to stop and smell the roses." Another aphorism with which we are well familiar. This, too, is important, but let's take it one step further...
Let's not just stop our frenetic activity and be mindful of a moment; let's also cease our me-centricism long enough to consider the important others in our lives and how we might be of service in small, kind ways.
I'm not talking huge time commitments here. What about carving out 15 minutes once or twice a day to send a note, make a phone call, or text someone we love? Remember, life is short.
What about in our hurry through the store we see how many smiles we can give away, or we notice the person in the motorized cart struggling to get a can from the shelf just out of their reach? Will those few extra minutes destroy our schedule? If so, we might consider that we are simply too busy.
At the end of the day, will we be asked "how many things did you accomplish?" or will the query be, "How kind were you to others?"
Other questions we might consider are:
How much time did I spend developing my soul during my lifetime, and how have I impacted the universe and elevated the world?
Was I a giver or a taker? Or was I a giver only when it was convenient for me or worked out in my time schedule or I felt guilted into it?
Was I generous with what G!d gave me?
Did I establish a life that included my realistic human physical and ego needs, and intertwined it with taking care of others? How expansive was this circle of others, or was I very selective with whom, when, and how I shared my time?
In looking at what I did, what about the things I did not do, that perhaps I might have spent more time on?
No one, at the end of their life, ever wished that they had spent more time at the office, or more time working, or more time focusing on self. Many regret that they did not spend as much time as they could have with the people they claimed they loved the most.
Having just attended a funeral yesterday, I am well aware of the “drop everything and go because it’s a funeral” syndrome. We couldn’t possibly make the time or effort while the person was alive, because we are full tilt on our time schedules and ego-centered list of Things That Are Very Important To Accomplish. Too late in life we discover that, at the end of the day, love is about giving, giving time and attention, in the here and now, not the then and later. Then and later oftentimes is simply too late.
How do we go about making time to show others that they are our highest priority? Is there time in the day to take care of everything that must be taken care of AND carving out a few moments to show that love and kindness? Or is this really too much to ask? Why, then, can we find the time to drop everything when it’s a funeral?
Today, will you be a person on a journey, or a person headed full speed ahead to the various destinations you have slated on today’s schedule?
No comments:
Post a Comment