"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms or books that are written in a foreign tongue. The point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live your way some distant day into the answers."
(Rainer Maria Rilke, 1875 – 1926)
I am currently in limbo mode, awaiting word of something very important to me.
Have you ever had the experience of wondering about something important, and just the perfect quote or chapter in a book jumps out at you, or even a book falls off the shelf, providing guidance or perhaps even the answer you were seeking? Happens to me a lot.
This morning, that quote above came to me in email. Not an hour later, while waiting at the salon for my hair appointment, I read a story about Rabbi Akiva that just knocked me off the chair. (Because, yeah, I took my Talmud book with me to my appointment so I could study... I'm nerdy like that, and probably why I'm a rabbi.)
So one story tells us that Rabbi Akiva was born of simple parentage, and was an uneducated shepherd for the first 40 years of his life, so uneducated that he had not even studied a line of Torah. Rachel, the daughter of the man for whom he worked as shepherd noticed Akiva. She saw his character and told him that she would marry him if he would agree to go study Torah. Rachel's father was furious that she had secretly betrothed herself to such an unlearned and illiterate man!
Akiva and Rachel married and lived in extreme poverty. Akiva felt he could never learn Torah. One day, he picked up a stone, and he noticed that the stone had been hallowed out by water dripping on it slowly, over time. In that moment, Akiva decided that his mind was no harder than the stone, and that perhaps slowly, over time, like the water had carved out the stone, he, too, could learn Torah.
By agreement of his wife, Akiva went off to study Torah. At the age of 40, Akiva attended the academy of his native town. For 12 years he studied and learned, and when he returned, he had 12,000 students follow him. Akiva went on to become one of the greatest rabbis of the centuries.
In the book, Swimming in the Sea of Talmud by Michael Katz and Gershon Schwartz, they contemporize the story of Akiva in their opening prologue. This has in turn inspired me to tell this story as it applies to my current waiting situation:
Many years ago there was a woman who had been battered by life, but she worked hard and studied hard. She earned many degrees and climbed a few corporate ladders, but it wasn't really what her heart yearned to do. She held dear one dream that she could not find a way to accomplish.
She found other ways to do similar work, but it still wasn't the dream which held her heart. After so many years of disappointment, she concluded she would never be able to open the door to this dream. She felt that she could never learn enough, and that there were just too many challenges and obstacles to overcome. There was no way to make her dream happen.
She sank into despair.
It happened that during this dark time, she met five strong, wise women. Each one said to her, in their own way, "I see your incredible potential. You have the capability of excelling in this area that your heart yearns to accomplish. The doors may be closed, but keep looking for an open window. Believe in yourself, because I believe in you, and I will be here to help you and support you and keep believing in you until you believe in yourself."
The words cheered the woman, and she began to think maybe they were true. But she would still fall into despair and doubt and discouragement, telling herself she was too old, that it was too late, that she could never learn enough or know enough. It was simply too late to start over, too much she didn't know and couldn't do.
The five women would not give up. They had told her they would believe in her until she believed in herself, and they kept true to their words. They continued to encourage her and poke her and prod her. They were her strength until she finally found her own strength within.
Akiva and Rachel married and lived in extreme poverty. Akiva felt he could never learn Torah. One day, he picked up a stone, and he noticed that the stone had been hallowed out by water dripping on it slowly, over time. In that moment, Akiva decided that his mind was no harder than the stone, and that perhaps slowly, over time, like the water had carved out the stone, he, too, could learn Torah.
By agreement of his wife, Akiva went off to study Torah. At the age of 40, Akiva attended the academy of his native town. For 12 years he studied and learned, and when he returned, he had 12,000 students follow him. Akiva went on to become one of the greatest rabbis of the centuries.
In the book, Swimming in the Sea of Talmud by Michael Katz and Gershon Schwartz, they contemporize the story of Akiva in their opening prologue. This has in turn inspired me to tell this story as it applies to my current waiting situation:
Many years ago there was a woman who had been battered by life, but she worked hard and studied hard. She earned many degrees and climbed a few corporate ladders, but it wasn't really what her heart yearned to do. She held dear one dream that she could not find a way to accomplish.
She found other ways to do similar work, but it still wasn't the dream which held her heart. After so many years of disappointment, she concluded she would never be able to open the door to this dream. She felt that she could never learn enough, and that there were just too many challenges and obstacles to overcome. There was no way to make her dream happen.
She sank into despair.
It happened that during this dark time, she met five strong, wise women. Each one said to her, in their own way, "I see your incredible potential. You have the capability of excelling in this area that your heart yearns to accomplish. The doors may be closed, but keep looking for an open window. Believe in yourself, because I believe in you, and I will be here to help you and support you and keep believing in you until you believe in yourself."
The words cheered the woman, and she began to think maybe they were true. But she would still fall into despair and doubt and discouragement, telling herself she was too old, that it was too late, that she could never learn enough or know enough. It was simply too late to start over, too much she didn't know and couldn't do.
The five women would not give up. They had told her they would believe in her until she believed in herself, and they kept true to their words. They continued to encourage her and poke her and prod her. They were her strength until she finally found her own strength within.
Like Akiva, this woman also found a stone, carved by water and wind and sand of long ago, resembling a thumb-print. In that moment, she realized that her thumbprint was unique-- no one else had a thumb- print like hers--and that thumbprints are perfect. Her thumbprint was as perfect as any other thumbprint. She could own her thumb- print and once again take up the journey to make her deepest heart's yearning come true.Little by little, she regained her strength and her courage. She persisted. She found a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other and to continue her journey she had long ago abandoned.
Today, that woman is soon to be a rabbi. While she does not have 12,000 students, she does have the strength and support of five very wise, very strong, very incredible women who will always believe in her even when the way is challenging. She, among all rabbis, is the most fortunate, because of these women.
Together, these women are leaving their thumb prints on the world, and it will be a better place for it.
In chronological order, this post is gratefully dedicated to
Shari, Judy, Debby, Michelle, and Christine.
Shari, Judy, Debby, Michelle, and Christine.
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